Christians are straight up FREAKS
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
