i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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