ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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