I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
