Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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