You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
