capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't turn off my feet"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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