did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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