You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
