And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
