If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
