Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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