I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
