Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We have started to decorate penises.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
