My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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