Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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