well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
