I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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