i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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