I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize