you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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