There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
