She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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