Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
