I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
