Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
