were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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