cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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