my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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