Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
