I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
