Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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