return my video game
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize