I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
