dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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