just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
