she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
