Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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