So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
