Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize