I skipped work to stalk him.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
