your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize