My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
