so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
