It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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