What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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