the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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