Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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