I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
