Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My liver just broke up with me...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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