Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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