No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
