Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
