Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
