hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
