so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
