What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
