I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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