You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize