I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
