ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
