Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
