Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
