"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
