woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drake has all the answers
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
